Long Tailed Spangle

The first year of university brings more anxiety and struggles but also the most wonderful people Jungsoo has ever met. These people let her explore her gender and grow into a stunning woman while falling deeply in love.
Or
Jungsoo gets accidentally adopted by an alt lesbian polycule

Notes:

Disclaimer:
What happens in the story would take years and years in real life (especially the medical stuff) and I've crammed it into the span of one year for the (nonexistent) plot. Otherwise it would have been jarring to read with constant time skips that span years.
The story is told in the present tense and I'm using Jungsoo's deadname and pronouns in the beginning of the story and they evolve with her as the story goes on and she becomes the woman she has always been.
And this is just a story about one fictional person, so don't go assuming this is a generalization. Everyone is different.

Oooouhkay first things first, happy pride month and happy festa month! I've finally decided to post this fic I've written over the past years, abandoned, and picked up again. Most of it is written so I hope regular updates but we'll see. I'm happy to get this out of the bottom of my drawer but also kind of nervous because there is like... no plot. This is sitting around 50k and the plot is???? Somewhere? I've mostly just written about gender stuff so it's more slice of life than hero's journey.
Anyway, I hope you like this!

Chapter Text

The ice cold dread crawls from Jungkook’s stomach to his lungs. As the crushing invisible pressure makes his world close in, Jungkook escapes his classroom to hide in a toilet. Once he closes and locks the door, he fishes out his earbuds from his pocket and plops them in. He quickly turns on one of the albums he recently listened to and tries to take a deep breath as his lungs constrict. He shifts his focus into the music while he leans on the sink and breathes.

Jungkook hates feeling like this but he can’t help the overwhelming dread that seems to come from nowhere. He could be sitting in class or at lunch and the small stream of anxiety starts gaining more water until it becomes a crushing ocean that fills his lungs with water. It has been with him for years but never this bad. High school was awful but ever since starting university, his anxiety has started to claim more of his time and done it more violently.

The intricate guitar instrumentals and dark melodies of the songs finally distract him from his feelings and slowly Jungkook manages to get his breathing back to normal. There was nothing that triggered this anxiety attack. He just started to feel out of control while the lecture went on.

He looks at the mirror and sees his dark hair curl over his eyes. He quickly averts his gaze and brushes his bangs aside to splash some cool water on his face before leaving the toilet. He keeps staring at his black boots as he makes his way through the hallways and back to his seat. He is distracted as the professor talks and grateful when the lecture ends.

Jungkook quickly disappears from the lecture hall and goes to the farthest cafeteria on campus to avoid seeing any of his classmates. Unfortunately, it's packed with people and Jungkook can’t find a single unoccupied table. He ends up sitting on the other end of a long table with one other person sitting alone on the other end.

Jungkook can't help but steal glances at the small dark haired girl. She’s wearing dark eyeshadow with red lip tint and her black dress is made of pretty lace. She’s gorgeous and Jungkook wants to apologize just for existing in the same space as she does.

After a few minutes two more gorgeous people dressed in dark clothes join her. Jungkook focuses on his food but can’t help but overhear their conversation.

“Do you know if Jimin and Taehyung are coming?” The pretty girl asks.

The guy who sat in front of the girl replies, “I saw them this morning and they said they would come.” He’s wearing eyeliner and a black button-up and he looks cooler than Jungkook could ever dream of being.

“There they are!” The girl who sat next to the first one points out. She has a lot of piercings, her ears filled with silver jewelry in addition to a nose ring.

Jimin and Taehyung take seats next to the guy and girls. The table is starting to get too small. There are only two seats left, one in front of Jungkook and the one next to him. The taller one, Taehyung, Jungkook assumes, is dressed in dark clothes that remind him of Victorian men's wear. Jimin sits across the table. She wears a long maxi skirt paired with a white corset top and big beautiful earrings. Her hair is cut short and styled off her forehead. How does this friend group look so stunning together?

“You will never believe what happened this morning,” Jimin says in a deep and low voice that makes Jungkook do a double take at her…him? “I was walking to school and saw a crow dragging a dead squirrel in its beak. It has to be a bad omen. I swear something bad is going to happen soon.”

Jungkook doesn't want to be that bad thing to happen and apologizes inside his head for assuming things. Jimin's gender is none of his business. Actually, now that he thinks about it, he might have even gotten Jimin and Taehyung mixed up because he assumed Jimin would be a woman.

“That's really, really sad,” the guy with eyeliner says. He looks like a sad puppy.

“Hi, sorry, can I sit here?” Somebody says next to Jungkook.

Jungkook turns to see the most stunning woman he has ever seen. Her makeup is strong like the girl's in the lacy dress. She is tall and looks strong enough to snap Jungkook in half. Jungkook would thank her for it. He only manages to nod slowly and she flashes a dimpled smile at him and sits down. She is dressed in a black sleeveless crop top that clings to her body and leaves her strong arms on display. Jungkook tears his eyes away not to stare.

“I'm really sorry for being late,” the girl next to Jungkook says to the group. “I stayed behind to help a classmate with his calculations.”

“That's really sweet of you,” the girl with the nose ring says.

“I'm glad you're here,” the tall one dressed like he is from Victorian London says.

“Did I miss anything?” she asks.

“Just that Jimin believes they are cursed because they saw a dead squirrel carried by a crow,” the first woman from the other side of the table explains.

So Jungkook had it right, the one dressed in old timey clothes is Taehyung and the one in the maxi skirt is Jimin. He doesn't mean to listen in but they sit right next to him and can't help but hear them swap stories. They talk loudly and laugh and they are in their own bubble where it's just six best friends hanging out while they are ignorant to the fact that they are six gorgeous people dressed stylishly in alternative clothes in the middle of the school cafeteria.

Jungkook's chest starts to constrict again. He hasn’t made a single friend in the months he has been in university. Every now and then he hears stories from his classmates about game nights or small scale parties they have thrown but Jungkook hasn’t even visited any of his classmates. He blames himself for being so awkward and cowardly.

He expected to find friends, even make a few close ones after getting out of high school and into university but the winter holiday is coming up and he has only acquaintances. He would love to have friends like the group next to him clearly are. People who expect him to show up for lunch and tell stories from their boring classes. Comfort him when he thinks he is cursed.

He doesn't notice he's crying until the first drop hits his plate. He quickly wipes off the tears before his bad day becomes worse and he cries in front of hot people. A hiccup escapes him and he sniffles, unable to hold back now that the dam has broken. He is still wound up after his anxiety attack.

“Hey,” Jimin says with a gentle tone, “Are you okay?”

Jungkook looks up to see that Jimin is indeed looking at him and asking him a question. He tries to nod before more tears escape his eyes and he hides his face in his hands.

“Do you want to switch places with me?” The woman next to Jungkook asks and she's already standing up and holding the chair out for him when Jungkook glances at her.

Jungkook doesn't want to be a bother so he obliges and scoots over. The first woman on the table moves over to the empty seat and they all huddle closer, shielding Jungkook from curious eyes as more tears follow his sniffles.

The girl with the nose ring digs through her purse and offers a tissue for Jungkook. “Here you go.”

“Thanks,” Jungkook says wetly and dries his tears before blowing his nose.

“What is your name?” Taehyung asks next to him.

“Jungkook,” Jungkook replies. He manages to calm down enough to stop sniffling.

“Can I ask you your pronouns?” Jimin asks.

Jungkook pauses. Nobody has asked his pronouns before. He nods. “Just ‘he’”

“Taehyung darling, can you take him to the toilets to clean up? Hoseok should come with you,” Jimin says. “Is that okay with you Jungkook?”

Jungkook nods. New tears start forming as he thinks about the group taking care of him, a complete stranger.

The girl next to him places a gentle hand on his shoulder. “It will be okay, whatever it is.”

“Don't worry about your dishes. We'll take them,” The woman in the lace dress says.

Taehyung offers his hand to him and Jungkook finds himself taking it, his heart skipping a beat despite the situation. Taehyung's hand is warm and Jungkook holds a little tighter. He keeps his head bowed as Hoseok leads the way in front of him. Taehyung walks by him. They lead them up the stairs and down a hallway to a men's toilet. He doesn't expect them both to enter with him and Hoseok to check all the stalls for people.

“There is no-one,” Hoseok says.

Taehyung locks the door so nobody can enter. “You can cry freely now.”

“Why are you doing this?” Jungkook asks weakly. He uses the back of his hand to dry his tears. He gasps in a breath.

Hoseok and Taehyung share a look. Hoseok says, “Because we know what it feels like to cry in front of everyone.”

“It’s not nice,” Taehyung adds.

“Do you want to tell us why you're crying? I understand if you don't,” Hoseok says. “We don’t really know each other like that but maybe it’s easier to talk to someone who doesn’t know you.”

Jungkook doesn't know why he trusts these people so blindly. Maybe it's the way they interacted with each other so lovingly before he made a scene. “I'm so…” Jungkook takes a shaky breath, “lonely.”

Taehyung gives him a soft look. “University can be a lonely place even though it's filled with people.”

“I'm sorry you feel like that,” Hoseok says. “Do you have anything that you do to make yourself feel better?”

Taehyung pulls out more tissue paper and Jungkook takes it to rub the tears away.

“I, um, listen to music,” Jungkook says.

“I'll put something on. What do you want to listen to?” Hoseok says.

The door handle to the toilet is jerked and they all turn to look at it. It seems whoever tried to get in leaves because no other sounds come. Taehyung goes over to the taps and starts running water.

“I don't know if you know a band called Black Swan,” Jungkook says. Then he remembers who he is with and reprimands himself for asking the goths if they know a fairly popular metalcore band. They do more than metal and Jungkook loves how they mix genres.

“We love that band! Soojin is a huge fan,” Hoseok says and it takes seconds before the bathroom is filled with an intro to one of the band's songs.

Taehyung tries the water with his hand and takes a pile of paper towels. He wets them and hands them over to Jungkook. “Hold these over your eyes. It's not much but it will ease the swelling.”

Jungkook feels the cold as he places the lumps of wet paper over his eyes. At the back of his mind he thinks about why these wonderful people have cried enough to think of making makeshift ice packs in the school toilet.

“The others are asking how you're doing. What do you want me to tell them?” Hoseok asks.

“Better,” Jungkook says. “Thank you.”

“Do you think you can make it through the rest of your classes?” Hoseok asks next. “Oh, they are replying that it's not a big deal and they hope you'll be okay.”

Jungkook is in awe. These are the nicest people he has ever met. He takes off the paper towels that are starting to get warm and looks at both Taehyung and Hoseok. “Thank you. You're too nice. I should go before the classes start.”

“You take care, okay?” Hoseok says.

“Give me your phone. I'll put my number in,” Taehyung says. “You can text me how you're doing.”

“Tae,” Hoseok says in a gentle tone. “You have a heart of gold but…”

“I know,” Taehyung says.

Jungkook feels like there is much more to that exchange than Jungkook will ever know. Still, he gives Taehyung his phone to put in his contact.

After leaving the toilet and returning to classes, Jungkook still feels blue. The kind words of the group give him enough strength to make it through the rest of his classes and once he is back at his dorm, safely wrapped in a warm blanket, he texts Taehyung to thank him once again. Exhaustion rolls in and he stays in bed the rest of the day before falling asleep.

***

Jungkook's thank you message turns into him and Taehyung texting all week. They mostly talk about music because they find out they share a very similar taste but still find bands and songs to swap that the other hasn’t heard of. Every time Jungkook goes to his classes, he looks forward to seeing new messages from Taehyung when he gets out.

They have been in talks of meeting up but Taehyung seems cautious about it until one day, Taehyung invites him to a cafe with Jimin. Jungkook agrees and is excited to make new friends even though he feels nervous about meeting new people. Well technically, he has already met Jimin but he feels like exchanging a few words doesn't count. What if he does something stupid and they don't like him?

Jungkook pushes his worries aside as he enters the cafe. It's easy to spot Jimin and Taehyung. Taehyung is dressed in a striped button-up, a vest and slacks, all black while Jimin wears platform heels, flared pants that flow beautifully and a ruffled black top. They both look stunning and out of place in the cafe filled with people dressed in jeans and t-shirts. Jungkook admires them for it. He himself is dressed quite plainly in an oversized hoodie, black jeans and his trusty boots.

“Hi,” Taehyung says excitedly, “I'm so glad you could make it.”

“I wouldn't have missed this,” Jungkook says honestly. He has been waiting for this evening all day, thinking about what it would be like to talk with Taehyung in person again.

Jimin greets him with a smile as Jungkook takes a seat at the table. The cafe is super cozy and the atmosphere is enhanced by string lights everywhere. There are fresh flowers on each table and the cushioned seats are comfortable. Jungkook finds himself relaxing.

“I'm going to go buy us drinks! What do you want, Jungkook?” Taehyung asks.

“I'll have tea. You can pick the variety. I drink everything,” Jungkook says. “Thank you so much.”

“Got it!” Taehyung says and jumps up from his seat.

As soon as Taehyung is out of earshot, Jimin's expression sours. “If you have a problem with trans people, I need you to say it now and leave. I won't tolerate one bit of transphobia.”

Caught off guard, Jungkook struggles to find his words. “N‐no of course not,” he stammers. “I think they are okay. I think you're really cool.”

Jimin evaluates him with a piercing stare made even more intimidating by their maroon eye make-up but eventually they seem to deem his poor answer good enough and their expression softens. “You're okay, so far. Just know that if I catch you being transphobic, you’re going to learn what these five inch heels are going to feel like kicked into your groin,” they say sweetly.

Jungkook doesn't doubt a second that Jimin wouldn't follow up their threat with action. “I promise that won't be necessary,” Jungkook says.

Just then Taehyung arrives carrying a tray and Jimin turns into the sweetest angel as they receive their coffee topped with beautiful latte art. Jungkook gratefully accepts his tea, Taehyung chose lemon flavored green tea for him, and he sets the cup in front of him. Taehyung holds a mug topped with whipped cream that undoubtedly contains hot chocolate.

Their conversation starts flowing easily thanks to their shared taste in music and it flows into subcultures. Jungkook is proud of not missing his chance to compliment both Jimin and Taehyung on their outfits. Jungkook finds common ground in tattoos with Jimin and they talk about the ones they have and ones they want to get. Taehyung says he wants to get tattoos at some point too.

The night passes by in a flash and when it's time to leave, Jungkook is hopeful they will meet again. He looks forward to meeting Jimin again too and thinks they could become friends.

***

Jungkook hangs out with Taehyung more, and eventually Taehyung introduces Jungkook to the others in the friend group too. He is invited to hang out with Taehyung, Namjoo and Yoonji. He tries to dress up a little to try and impress the woman who could bench press him and the woman who looked so stunning in the black lace dress. They seemed really cool as Jungkook listened in on their conversations and he's happy to meet more of Taehyung's friends.

After deciding on ripped jeans, a band t-shirt and a jacket, he laces his boots and heads out. It is honestly a little lame but at least it is not a hoodie and sweat pants. He starts to feel nervous on the way but he knows Taehyung will be there too so he picks up his pace until he's at Yoonji's apartment.

Yoonji opens the door and dark music filters into the hallway. Yoonji is once again wearing heavy make-up but this time she wears a cozy sweater. As Jungkook follows her into the apartment the music grows louder and in the living room, he sees Taehyung sitting down, dressed in slacks with a cardigan over a white button-up. Still overdressed for just a hangout but he looks so good in them. Namjoo sits next to him and she wears equally heavy make-up as Yoonji but it seems like her lipstick has smeared because some of it stains her cheek.

Namjoo invites Jungkook to sit down next to her and he does so a little bashfully. Namjoo is gorgeous and strong and her dimpled smile is the cutest smile Jungkook has seen.

As Jungkook sits down and chats with everyone, he takes in Yoonji’s apartment. She has an old style in her interior design with lace curtains layered with heavier fabric ones, intricate candle holders and wooden drawers. There are candles lit around them and the only other lights are a floor lamp and another lamp on a table. The dim lighting makes Jungkook want to huddle up in a blanket and fall asleep.

“How were your classes? I heard you study engineering,” Namjoo asks Jungkook.

“Yeah. They were okay but math is starting to get difficult,” Jungkook replies.

“I remember my first year. I'm afraid the math doesn't get any easier until your fourth year,” Namjoo says with an apologetic smile.

“Do you study engineering too?” Jungkook asks and Namjoo nods. “What field?”

“Master student in electrical engineering,” Namjoo says. “You?”

“Information technology,” Jungkook says and smiles brightly. “Our fields overlap a lot.”

“They do. Maybe we should found a startup,” Namjoo jokes. “Do you think I could help you with math? I'm sure I can help with the basics before you go into the advanced levels.”

“Really?” Jungkook asks, his eyes wide with surprise.

“Yeah. I'm already tutoring a couple other engineering students. I'll even do it for free for you because we don't study the same field,” Namjoo confirms.

“I'm really grateful,” Jungkook says.

Ever since becoming friends with Taehyung, Jungkook has been showered in kindness. He has no clue how to ever repay that. Namjoo and he agree on meeting again and going over the things Jungkook needs help with.

When the conversation turns to books, Yoonji visibly lights up. Jungkook adores listening to Yoonji talk about her recent findings and the bookstore she wants to visit. Her passion for books makes Jungkook want to pick up a novel.

“Are there any easy to read books? I don’t read a lot but I'd like to try,” Jungkook asks.

“I adore The Picture of Dorian Gray,” Yoonji says. “It’s not too difficult to read if you get a recent edition instead of the originals, and the story will suck you right in.”

Jungkook is sure he has heard the name of the book before. He watches as Yoonji gets up from her seat and reaches into her bookshelf filled with books, more unlit candles and other gothic style trinkets.

Yoonji returns to him with a book and hands it to him. “I can lend you my copy but please return it intact. I really like it and it would be a shame to lose it.”

Jungkook takes the book from her and twists it around to the back cover. It looks interesting and if Jungkook doesn't like it, he can just return it. “I'll take good care of it. Thank you.”

“Yoonji,” Taehyung says with a pout, “Can you read for us?”

“I don't know,” Yoonji says and glances at Jungkook.

“I'd like that,” Jungkook says, “if you want to.”

“Okay,” Yoonji agrees.

Namjoo goes to turn the music down and changes the playlist to instrumental tracks while Taehyung lays his head on Yoonji's lap. Yoonji gently takes the book back and begins to read.

***

After Jungkook got home from Yoonji, he had to continue the book where she left off. That's why he's tired and groggy when he gets out of his morning classes and tries to find food. He ends up at the cafeteria, tiredly staring into whatever sauce they are serving today. He's pretty sure it’s some kind of meat. Probably.

“Hi! Can I sit down here?” Jungkook hears somebody say from the other side of his table.

He sees Hoseok standing expectantly and smiling brightly. Just seeing him makes Jungkook feel better. “Yeah, please do.”

Today, Hoseok is wearing some casual slacks with a black tank top and a white button-up thrown over his shoulders, the buttons open. “How are you? I heard you met Yoonji and Namjoo yesterday?”

Jungkook shouldn't be surprised at how fast word travels in the clearly close knit friend group. “Where did you hear that?”

“I talked with Namjoo and Yoonji about their plans,” Hoseok says. “I also heard they liked you enough to start tutoring you and to lend you things.”

The word certainly travels fast. “Yeah,” Jungkook says with a slight blush. “I really liked them too. They are so cool.”

“I know,” Hoseok says with a warm tone.

There is a pause as Jungkook thinks. “I want to thank you for that one day. I'm sorry you had to see me like that but I really appreciate that you were there.”

“Don't worry about it. Are you doing better now? I'm sorry but you look a little tired,” Hoseok says but there is no malice in his voice, just worry.

“I don't know if I'm doing any better but meeting Taehyung has been good. Meeting all of you has been really good,” Jungkook says. He still gets bad anxiety but he has been feeling a little less lonely, like there is somebody out there who cares about him.

“I'm happy to hear that,” Hoseok replies. “Taehyung has been talking about you a lot.”

“He has?” Jungkook asks and feels nervousness bubble up.

“Only good things.” Hoseok smiles.

Jungkook feels warm relief. They talk more about what Hoseok studies, Jungkook's late night with the book and groggy morning and too soon they have to leave for their classes. Jungkook feels energized from the chat with Hoseok and the rest of his classes are a little easier.

***

Next week, Namjoo comes over to Jungkook's dorm for tutoring. Jungkook spends all his free time fussing about cleaning up and putting everything in its place and anxiously waiting for her to arrive.

Everything ends up going well as Namjoo figures out what Jungkook is struggling with and helps with a few difficult calculations. Jungkook listens carefully as she teaches and the assignment starts to make sense. Finally. Namjoo is amazing at math.

“Can I take this book so I can familiarize myself with it? It's a little different from my classes,” Namjoo asks as she flips through Jungkook's textbook.

“Yeah, you can,” Jungkook agrees.

“When do you need it back?” Namjoo asks.

“I have math on Monday afternoon. So if you can give it back before that,” Jungkook says.

“I can return it at school then,” Namjoo nods and bags the textbook. “Have you been reading Yoonji's book?”

Jungkook shifts on his seat. He expected Namjoo to leave now that they are done but it looks like she's making herself more comfortable as she looks back at Jungkook with her dark eyes and smokey eye shadow. “Yeah, I have. She was right. The story is really captivating.”

“I've read the book a couple of times too. It's really good. Do you think you want to read more?” Namjoo asks and Jungkook nods. Namjoo smiles, revealing her cute dimples. “Good because I'm pretty sure Yoonji is making you a list.”

“I think I need to renew my library card,” Jungkook laughs. “I'll be happy to read more of her recommendations.”

“We have some books we can lend you,” Namjoo says. “Then you won't have to worry about return dates.”

Jungkook thanks her. Talking with Namjoo is easy. She is intelligent and introspective and she involves Jungkook in the conversation by asking questions and Jungkook's opinion on things. It makes Jungkook hang on every word and listen carefully, wanting to ask more about herself and hear her talk more.

When it's her time to go, Jungkook lingers at the door playing back the night in his mind. He is really enamored with her.

***

Getting invited to a pizza night at Soojin's apartment is the best and worst thing to happen to Jungkook. He looks forward to Friday the entire week but he also dreads it because he will not only meet Soojin for the first time but everyone else will be coming too. He is worried he will feel like an outsider with the close knit group.

He types out a message for Taehyung to apologize for not being able to make it and hovers his thumb over the send button. How many times has he canceled at the last minute because he got nervous about the event? Too many even if Jungkook only counts the ones since starting university. He thinks about the message again. He wouldn't have been invited if they didn’t want him there. And he really wants to be there.

Jungkook wipes the message and writes a new one asking how he should dress for the evening. Taehyung replies fast saying to dress in something comfortable. Jungkook heads over to his closet. He wishes he had the guts to dress more boldly but he's afraid of standing out at school. He is terrified of being seen so he hides under big hoodies and sweatshirts. Now he has the chance to dress up a little and fit right in.

Jungkook tries on different outfits but he comes up blank on anything fancier than a band tee. After turning his closet inside out he finds a cropped mock neck long sleeve that he never wore. He tries it on and it still fits and he looks good in it even though the tight fit makes him feel self-conscious about his body. It hugs his chest and leaves a sliver of his soft belly visible. He pairs it with loose fitting jeans before heading out.

On the way, his worries start to nag at him again. They have all been friendly with him but he is new to the group and they don't really know him. He's worried they will ditch him when they find out how boring he is. His idea of a fun night is a movie and chips instead of going out and partying or having a fancy restaurant dinner.

And what even does a group of stunning goths do on a Friday night? For all he knows they could be plotting the downfall of society in between pizza slices while calling on mysterious ancient forces. Not that Jungkook would mind if the power structures got shaken up a little but calling up Cthulhu is a bit much.

When Jungkook gets to Soojin's apartment he finds that the Friday night is very much an ordinary Friday night. Taehyung, once again dressed in a vest, opens the door for him and he enters the apartment. There are colorful fairy lights hung up on the ceiling and Soojin has not one but two bean bags on either side of a couch. One of them is occupied by Yoonji who is crocheting something. She is dressed up in a small checkered dress and wears tights that have bats on them. She looks adorable with her dark red pout as she concentrates.

The two person couch is occupied by Soojin and Jimin who are playing what looks like an old fighting game. Jungkook has no idea who is winning but then Taehyung crawls into Jimin's lap and starts kissing them until Jimin lays down the controller and kisses him back. Jungkook turns away as heat rises on his cheeks and he quickly takes a seat on the unoccupied bean bag.

Jungkook takes a moment to swallow down his heartbreak. He can't show any weakness, especially over a silly crush. Taehyung can never know he had a crush on him and hoped that all the time they spent together meant as much to Taehyung as it meant for him.

“Aish,” Soojin scoffs, “Can you at least keep your hands to yourselves while we have new people over?”

Soojin is dressed in a black silk shirt and she has layered different silver necklaces that are paired with her numerous earrings. Her long bob is perfectly parted in the middle and she wears light makeup with only thick lashes and intricately drawn liner. Jungkook isn't entirely sure if he wants to be with her or be her, and it makes him so confused because he is sad over Taehyung but still feeling those same emotions for Soojin.

“No,” Jimin says in between kisses without ever separating from Taehyung.

Soojin sighs and turns to Jungkook. “Don't mind them,” she says and smiles. “This is normal for them.”

“I didn’t know they were together,” Jungkook says with a quiet voice. He dares a glance at the two only to see Taehyung's eyes closed as Jimin's tongue reaches for the back of his throat. He gulps and looks away.

“They claim to be soulmates,” Soojin says and rolls her eyes but she has an endeared smile on her lips. “Do you want to play with me?”

“Yeah.” Jungkook nods and accepts the controller from Soojin. He will take anything to distract him but more than that, he really wants to play with Soojin. “I have never played this.”

“Don't worry, it's pretty easy on the surface level but goes in really deep with different combos and mechanics.” Soojin goes on to explain what each button does while Jungkook tries to memorize them. “Basically just mash those buttons until something happens. I'll go easy on you because it's your first time.”

Jungkook chooses a character and Soojin compliments him with the good choice that in reality is pure luck. The game starts. He tries to mash the buttons Soojin pointed out and manages to chip away some health from her character but she gets a bunch of hits in while Jungkook fumbles with the block button.

Jungkook gets distracted when a black cat starts sniffing his leg. He turns to look at it and only a second later the knock out sound comes from the television.

“Oh,” Jungkook sighs as he looks at the defeat text over his character.

“Don't worry about it. We'll just have another round,” Soojin says as she watches Jungkook put the controller aside to reach for the cat. “He usually doesn't like men.”

Jungkook glances at Soojin at the same time as the cat nuzzles into his hand and Jungkook pets it. “He doesn't seem upset.”

“No, he doesn't,” Soojin says, eyeing the cat skeptically.

Jungkook scratches the cat's ear. “Can I lift him to my lap?” he asks. He really wants to cuddle with him.

“You can try but he might scratch you,” Soojin warns. “He did it to Taehyung once. Now, he tolerates him.”

Jungkook carefully picks the cat up and he lets him. He places him on his lap and the cat just lies down like he’s going to sleep.

“I guess he really likes you,” Soojin says.

“I like him,” Jungkook says and pets him, “What’s his name?”

“William,” Soojin says, “but I usually call him a little stinky man.”

Jungkook laughs. They continue playing with the little stinky man in Jungkook's lap.

After a couple of rounds, the doorbell rings and Yoonji goes to open the door for Namjoo and Hoseok. When they come in and the round ends, Soojin gets up from the couch.

“Pizza time!” Soojin says excitedly and goes to fetch her phone.

Everyone, even Jimin and Taehyung, huddle up around her so Jungkook follows their lead and scoots closer. William hops off and disappears somewhere. Jungkook learns most of them are vegetarian. While Hoseok is mostly vegan, he will still eat the occasional pizza with cheese. On the other end of the spectrum, Jimin and Soojin eat a little meat here and there.

“We usually buy a couple of large pizzas and split the bill,” Soojin says.

They decide on three different pizzas, two vegetarian ones and one with pepperoni, and place the order. Hoseok disappears into the kitchen while Yoonji returns to crocheting. Jungkook steals a glance at Namjoo. She is dressed up in a tight fitted deep v-neck and thin strips of cloth crisscross across the neckline. She wears a thick choker and her dark red lipstick matches with Yoonji's. She gives Jungkook a warm smile when their eyes meet.

Soojin draws his attention away from Namjoo. “Do you want to play another round? You were starting to get the hang of it.”

“Yeah, let’s go,” Jungkook says enthusiastically.

Jungkook slumps back on the bean bag and Seokjin takes a seat on the side of the couch that's closest to him while both Jimin and Namjoo sit next to her. Taehyung climbs back into Jimin's lap, and suddenly the two person couch holds four people. As Jungkook and Soojin start their game, Hoseok serves everyone a tall glass of soda. As he receives many thanks, he goes to sit on the floor by Yoonji's feet leaning his back on the bean bag.

The atmosphere in Soojin's apartment is warm as everyone chats, and Jungkook and Soojin laugh and squeal as they play. The pizza delivery arrives and the boxes are spread out on the kitchen table so everyone gets to take their pick. As Jungkook sits down on the floor to eat around Soojin's coffee table, his heart is filled with happiness and his belly with good food.

Jungkook can't help but watch as Soojin scarfs down slice after slice. She could have a mukbang channel for the way she eats. She’s funny, has a great sense of style and she can eat. What more could Jungkook ask in a person? Jungkook turns away as heat crawls up his cheeks.

“What do you think?” Taehyung asks as he sits down next to Jungkook and bumps their shoulders together.

Jungkook's eyes widen as he is caught staring and he swallows down a big piece of pizza. “About what?” Jungkook asks carefully.

“About this hangout,” Taehyung says. His eyes are almost sparkling with hope.

“Ah,” Jungkook sighs in relief. “It has been great. I love it.”

“I knew it!” Taehyung says. He throws his arm around Jungkook's shoulders and pulls him into a hug.

Jungkook hugs him back. Taehyung is great too. He is kind and passionate and makes Jungkook feel important. Somehow Jungkook has developed crushes on half the people in this room. But… All three are way above his level to ever look his way and on top of that Taehyung already has Jimin. He wouldn't be surprised if Namjoo and Soojin were taken too. Jungkook just hopes that his crushes are just initial excitement over getting to know new people and fade away with time.

***

After the hangout, Jungkook rarely eats his lunches alone. When he passes any of his new friends in the school hallways they stop to ask when Jungkook is having lunch. His lunches always match with at least one person from the group.

On rare occasions all seven of them have lunch at the same time. One of the times is today. Jungkook sits and listens to Soojin go on about her group project partner who “can’t use his two rotting brain cells to write a single grammatically correct paragraph”.

“I'm really sorry you got assigned to his group,” Yoonji says and reaches out a comforting hand.

“I just have to get through this and then I'll be graduating soon,” Soojin says as she holds Yoonji's hand.

“We are going to have a big graduation party after Hoseok finishes their thesis too,” Namjoo says and smiles.

“I'm really glad you'll all be there. I wish I had you when I finished my bachelor's,” Soojin says, her tone laced with emotion.

“We're really happy you’re with us,” Jimin says and holds their hand on her shoulder.

Jungkook feels like he is witnessing a private moment and that he shouldn't be there but it is beautiful how deep their friendship is.

“You're invited to our graduation too,” Soojin says and leans forward to look at Jungkook.

“I'll be there,” Jungkook promises.

As they leave the cafeteria they separate to go in their own directions. Namjoo and Jungkook walk in the same direction towards the wing with the engineering department.

“We should add you to the group chat so it's easier to contact everyone,” Namjoo says as she walks beside him.

“You don't have to,” Jungkook dismisses.

“We would love to have you there,” Namjoo says. “Although you might get tired of Yoonji and Jimin bickering or Soojin sending memes all the time. Hoseok sends cat videos and both Soojin and Taehyung cry about how cute they are.”

“That doesn't seem too bad,” Jungkook says. "I'd like to be there if you want me."

“I'll add you,” Namjoo replies.

***

Jungkook knocks on Yoonji's door, The Picture of Dorian Gray in his hands. He is nervous to go over to her place without Taehyung backing him up. Yoonji is quiet but she seems sweet and Jungkook wants to get to know her better.

Yoonji's apartment is just as cozy as it was when Jungkook last visited. Jungkook takes a seat on her couch and places the book down. “Here is the book. I promise it's intact.”

Yoonji takes the book and places it back on the shelf. “What did you think of it?”

“I loved it. I never saw the ending coming and it took me by surprise. But now that I think back on it, it should have been obvious,” Jungkook says. “I'm more used to reading action and adventure.”

Yoonji takes a seat next to Jungkook and leans in. “What did you think about the portrayal of vanity and its connection with sin?”

Jungkook struggles to answer but Yoonji smiles and talks about her views on it. It opens up new viewpoints for Jungkook and he looks at the book he read with new eyes. He thinks more about its meaning and Yoonji helps him think more deeply, making sure he knows that there are no wrong answers, just different interpretations.

“I have a few more books for you to read,” Yoonji says and gets up from the couch. She goes over to her bookshelf and her bat earrings dangle as she tilts her head to read the spines. “You have to read Frankenstein and Dracula if you haven't already. I'd give you Wuthering Heights but that is genuinely tough to read.”

“I haven't read any of those,” Jungkook says.

Yoonji pulls out two books from her shelf. She reaches up for another one before she goes over to the couch to place them down next to Jungkook. Jungkook browses the books and sees that the copy of Frankenstein has a bunch of book tabs sticking out of it. As Jungkook opens it he sees that there are underlined passages every now and then.

Yoonji returns to him with three more books. “You don't have to read all of these. I picked a couple of modern gothics too if you're fed up with the old passages.” Yoonji runs her fingers over one of the covers and takes the book in her hands. Jungkook notices some of her nails on her right hand must have broken because only her thumb and pinky finger have been filed to sharp points, the rest of them are blunt. “Um, this one is a little bit explicit. You don't have to read it either if it’s not your thing but I'll lend it to you.”

“I guess I won't have to decide what to read for the whole year with all of these books,” Jungkook says as he eyes the pile.

“I expect you to write an essay on each book in return for lending them to you,” Yoonji smirks.

Jungkook laughs. “I wouldn't subject you to my horrible writing. There is a reason I picked engineering instead of literature.”

“I should have picked literature,” Yoonji pouts. “But then I remember being forced to read bad books in high school and I'm glad I stuck with psychology.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook nods. He hated reading in school but talking about books with Yoonji has sparked a new appreciation for reading.

The rest of the evening is spent drinking tea and huddling up under blankets while Jungkook starts reading Frankenstein just because Yoonji has marked the book so thoroughly. Next to him, Yoonji reads some book she had started a few weeks ago. At times Jungkook looks up from the book and asks her why she has underlined certain passages. Usually, the answer is that he will understand it better after reading the book but other times Yoonji talks about how beautifully it is written or about the subtext. It's nice spending the night like this.

***

“I've been meaning to get new piercings but I don't know a good piercer,” Jungkook mentioned.

“Oh! There is this piercing and tattoo studio I always go to,” Soojin said. “I've wanted to get snake bites for a long time now. I could take you there and we could both get piercings some day.”

Jungkook sits on a chair at a tattoo parlor while waiting for Soojin to get her piercings, playing back their conversation that led to him being here. He's less anxious about the needle and more worried about interacting with the piercer. It helps that Soojin is here with him and went in first so Jungkook can see how things are done.

Soojin comes out with two new piercings below her lower lip and a small smile directed at Jungkook. It's Jungkook's turn for his walk-in and he follows the piercer into the studio. When Jungkook comes back, he has a new helix piercing on his ear that has five lobe piercings and an additional one on the other ear where he used to have three.

“Hurts,” Soojin says after they leave the shop.

“Don't talk,” Jungkook says gently. “Is it really bad?” Soojin shakes her head. “You could take some painkillers when you get home.”

They walk silently over to Soojin's apartment as a winter chill makes Jungkook shiver a little. He wishes it could be warmer already but he will have to wait a little bit longer for spring to come.

As they reach Soojin's apartment building, Jungkook asks, “Do you have everything you need to take care of the piercings?”

Soojin opens her mouth to speak but closes it. She gives up and nods.

“What about soft foods?” Jungkook asks. She shakes her head. “I can get you some. What do you want to eat? Wait, don't talk.”

Jungkook fishes out his phone and opens his notes app before handing it to Soojin. Soojin writes something in the notes and gives the phone back.

You don't have to do that. I'll go a bit later when it's easier to talk

“It’s no trouble. I'd be happy to do it.” Jungkook says and hands the phone over. “I could buy you fruits for a smoothie. I'll even chop them for you so you only have to blend it when you get hungry.”

Soojin smiles a little. She writes into the notes app. A gust of wind makes her maxi dress flow and flutter. The dress really suits her long legs and she looks so elegant in it. Even the winter coat she has on looks stylish as it is paired with the long skirt. Soojin hands the phone back and Jungkook reads the note.

Thank you. I'll pay you back.

Unsweetened soy yogurt, bananas, an orange, peaches

“I'll be right back,” Jungkook says.

Jungkook hurries to the store and buys her food before hurrying back. She opens the door for him and he places the fruit on the table and the plant based yogurt in the fridge.

“Where do you keep your cutting boards and knives?” Jungkook asks.

Soojin reaches out to a shelf and takes out a cutting board. She holds it behind her back so Jungkook can’t take it and clearly tries to hold back her smile.

“Let me do this for you,” Jungkook says and holds out his hands to beg for the cutting board, “please.”

Soojin shakes her head and holds the cutting board up over her head out of Jungkook's reach. Jungkook tries to snatch it out of her hands but she dodges and waves the cutting board around like a challenge.

“Oh, come on,” Jungkook says and smiles.

He goes for the board again but Soojin switches it to her other hand and Jungkook can’t get it. She lets out a bright giggle that suddenly stops. She huffs out a pained noise.

“It hurts?” Jungkook asks with a soft tone.

Soojin nods. She hands the board over to Jungkook and sits down.

“Okay. No talking and no laughing for the next few hours.” Jungkook says. “The knives?”

Soojin points out a knife block so Jungkook chooses a knife and starts cutting the orange into slices. As he is cutting, his phone pings with a message. He ignores it but then Soojin says, “Check it.”

Jungkook cleans his hands and unlocks his phone. The message is from Soojin.

Soojin:

Do not think I won't get revenge on this

Bubbles form in their chat as Soojin writes more.

Soojin:

When you're hurting I'll be in your kitchen closet waiting

Beware

Jungkook laughs. “No. We agreed to no laughs,” Jungkook says and lightly slaps his cheeks to get rid of his smile. It's really difficult when he's with her. “It’s good I don't have a kitchen for you to hide in.”

Soojin:

Then it will have to be delivery in your closet

“Deal,” Jungkook says. He keeps his phone unlocked on the table so he can see the chat while he peels the peaches. William appears in the kitchen and walks at Jungkook’s feet while he tries to cook.

Soojin:

Do you want to stay over and watch a movie? I'm afraid comedy is not on the table

“Yeah, I'd like that,” Jungkook says. “A melancholic drama might be a better option. Or horror. I don't think they will have too many laughs in them.”

Soojin texts him a bunch of movie descriptions and they decide to watch a paranormal horror movie. Jungkook puts the diced fruit into a container and into the fridge before taking a seat on her couch. Soojin queues the movie and sits next to him.

The movie is actually scary and not one of those cheap jump scare fests. Jungkook instinctively inches closer to Soojin for comfort as she folds her legs on the couch and leans on Jungkook's side.

“Now, I'm terrified to sleep at night,” Jungkook says while the credits roll.

Soojin straightens up and looks at him. “Same,” she says.

“Do the piercings still hurt?” Jungkook asks. He still feels his piercings but it must be nothing compared to the lip piercings.

“A little,” Soojin says.

“There is not a lot of swelling so that’s good,” Jungkook says as he looks at her lips. The snake bites suit her plump lips and Jungkook can’t help but wonder what it would be like to kiss those lips once the piercings have fully healed. Too bad it will take at least a month before she will be able to kiss anyone, and Jungkook is certain it won't be him. “I should head back to my dorm.”

Soojin nods. She escorts him to the door and waits as Jungkook puts on his jacket.

“I'm glad to have gone through this pain with you,” Jungkook jokes and then remembers he wasn't supposed to make her laugh.

“I'm glad,” Soojin says with a smile. “Take care of your battle scars.”

“You too,” Jungkook replies and finally leaves.

***

One day Jungkook finds out why Namjoo's and Yoonji’s make-up looks always match. It's Saturday and Jungkook goes over to Namjoo's dorm for tutoring. She opens the door for him and only her left eyelid has eyeshadow on it while the other is still bare.

“Yoonji is still doing my make-up but you can take a seat.” Namjoo leads him into the dorm. Her dorm is small and plain like Jungkook's but there is a yucca plant in one corner and different flowers and plants on the window sill.

Jungkook unpacks his textbook and notes. He sits down on the edge of Namjoo's bed and watches as Yoonji sits in Namjoo's lap and paints her eyelids. Namjoo keeps her hands on Yoonji's thighs while Yoonji works expertly on applying different shades of eyeshadow and finishing it up with mascara. The last thing she does is line Namjoo's lips and apply matte lipstick.

“You're really good at that,” Jungkook compliments. Yoonji and Namjoo always look great in their dark make-up, whether it is lighter or heavier like today. “It's really a work of art.”

“Thank you,” Yoonji says.

Jungkook hesitates. “Would you,” he starts and looks away, “teach me?” He finishes the question in a quiet and insecure voice. He shouldn't be asking questions like that.

“I'd love to,” Yoonji says without judgment. “What do you know already?”

“Just that it looks cool and you're an artist,” Jungkook says.

“Oh,” Yoonji says, ”We have a lot to do then. Do you want to do something simple like an everyday look or like those really crazy looks?”

“I thought we were going to do math?” Namjoo chuckles.

“This is more important,” Yoonji pouts.

“Okay, baby,” Namjoo says with an endeared expression on her face. The soft smile turns into shock as she glances at Jungkook. “I– she–” Namjoo splutters.

Yoonji pets Namjoo's cheek gently. “It’s okay, sweetheart,” she says and kisses her briefly. She turns to look at Jungkook. “If it’s not clear, we're together.”

“I’m happy for you,” Jungkook says and means it. Suddenly the lipstick stain on Namjoo's cheek makes a lot more sense. He is happy but there is an undertone of sadness that his crush once again goes unreciprocated.

“Good. Where were we?” Yoonji says.

“We were talking about different looks?” Jungkook supplies.

“How about this,” Yoonji says, “I'll do your make-up while explaining what I'm doing and then you can get to your nerdy stuff.”

“If Namjoo is okay with that,” Jungkook says and looks at Namjoo.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” she says.

Yoonji climbs off Namjoo's lap and takes her place on the chair, scooting it right in front of Jungkook. “I'm going to do something really simple to start with. What do you do for skincare?”

Jungkook explains his skincare routine. He takes good care of his skin and washes his face every day and it’s an important part of his daily routine. He likes looking pretty and having clear skin is a big part of it.

“And you did that this morning?” Yoonji asks. Jungkook nods. “Then we can go straight into foundation. This is not the exact color you'd want to use but it's close enough.”

Yoonji applies a layer of light cream on Jungkook's face. She brushes some concealer under Jungkook's eyes before adding a little bit of blush on his cheeks.

“I'm going to brush your brows next,” Yoonji says and takes something that looks like a tiny brush in her hand. She brushes his eyebrows with it. “I'll fill your brows in and set them”

“Should I pluck my eyebrows?” Jungkook asks. He knows it's something people do. Would he look prettier with neatly plucked brows instead of the unruly bushy brows on his face?

“Not if you don't want to. I think you could get away with just plucking out some strays and leaving the shape natural,” Yoonji says. “Or you could do nothing at all. It is about personal preference. Mine are shaved almost completely off and some people hate it. I like it and I don't care what they think. I'll do your eyes next. Red will look good on you.”

Yoonji leans in close and orders Jungkook to close his eyes. She dabs and brushes at his eyelids for a while as she explains every step. Jungkook is sure he will forget everything because he's already struggling to keep up with all the steps.

“I'll curl your lashes,” Yoonji says.

Jungkook eyes the tool she pulls out skeptically. “That looks like something used to torture people.”

Namjoo chuckles at the comment. “It will feel weird but it's not that bad.”

Curling lashes definitely feels weird as he tries to stare at Yoonji without moving, his lashes trapped between the jaws of the tool. “I'm still not convinced that’s not torture.”

“You took it very bravely. Look up.” Yoonji applies mascara to his lashes. “Do you want to wear lipstick?”

Jungkook glances at Yoonji's lips. She has been so close this whole time. “I think it is a bit much,” Jungkook says and tears his eyes away from her lips. It would be weird for a man to wear lipstick.

“What about lip gloss? It will be more subtle but the finish will be glossy.” Yoonji suggests.

“That sounds good,” Jungkook agrees. Even though he doesn't want to be weird, he still wants to try something on his lips.

Yoonji digs through her make-up bag and pulls out a tube. She dabs some of the product on her finger and asks Jungkook to part his lips. She dabs the product onto his lips and the gesture feels intimate. He hopes the blusher Yoonji applied hides his real blush.

“There you go,” Yoonji says and sits back.

“You have to take a look in the mirror,” Namjoo says, sounding a little breathless. She gets up from where she was seated and pulls Jungkook up by his hands.

Namjoo leads him to a full body mirror that leans against the wall. Jungkook looks at the mirror and almost can't recognize himself. He gently presses his fingertips on his cheek as he looks at the reflection. His lips are a little bit more red and while his eye makeup isn't as dramatic as Yoonji's, it is still striking. The warm red surrounds his eyelids and the subtle gradient gives depth to his eyes. He looks more like himself than he does without makeup.

“I look pretty,” Jungkook whispers.

“You do,” Namjoo says gently by his side.

Yoonji comes to stand next to them too, facing Jungkook. She brushes a strand of his hair behind his ear. “I told you, you would look good in red.”

“Thank you,” Jungkook says. He looks at his hoodie and while it is comfortable, he could level it up too. “I wish I had an outfit to match.”

“When you get to your dorm, you should dress up,” Namjoo says. “It will be fun.”

Jungkook frowns. He never had the sense of style to buy any fancy clothes so his wardrobe consists of hoodies and t-shirts. Generally he avoids clothes that fit, preferring ones that hide his body. And recently he hasn't had the guts to even go to a clothing store. “I don't really have anything fancier than this.” He gestures at his hoodie.

“Would you like to?” Yoonji asks and tilts her head. Jungkook nods. He would love to dress half as boldly as they do. “We should take you shopping,” she says enthusiastically. “We could get you some basic make-up stuff too so you can do your own.”

Jungkook imagines going shopping with the girls. He loves the idea and getting piercings with Soojin eased his anxiety about going to the studio too. He wants it so much it makes his chest ache. “That would be really fun.”

“Jimin would love to come too,” Yoonji says. “Hobi is really into fashion. He could take you around.”

Jungkook pauses. He is excited about the prospect of shopping with everyone but… he wanted to be with the girls and Hoseok is… Well, Jungkook doesn't know what they identify as. He usually dresses masculine and uses he/they pronouns but that doesn't say anything about their gender.

“I'll text the group chat and ask if they are all free next weekend,” Namjoo says and pulls out her phone.

“What did you like about the make-up?” Yoonji asks.

Jungkook looks at himself. “I really like how my eyes look. I like everything. It just looks good together.”

“We could get you an eyeshadow palette to start with,” Yoonji says. “You don't have to do every step and you can just pick the parts you like. Or you could do even more steps and do contouring or add eyeliner. There are no limits to what you can do.”

“Eyeshadow sounds good to start with,” Jungkook says. His head is already full of new things and adding more steps is too much. He could barely keep up with the ones Yoonji did.

“Everyone is free next Saturday. Hobi has a thing on Sunday so it would be better to go on Saturday,” Namjoo says as she looks up from her phone.

“That's settled then,” Yoonji says with enthusiasm.

“It will be fun,” Jungkook says with matching excitement.

Namjoo keeps messaging everyone with the details and they decide on a meeting spot. Because there is a history of somebody always being late, they decide to meet in a cafe so that when the last person arrives an hour late the rest have gotten to sit down and enjoy a coffee while waiting. After making the arrangements, Jungkook and Namjoo finally settle down and Namjoo starts going over Jungkook's assignments while Yoonji lays in bed and reads.

***

The next weekend rolls in and Jungkook is buzzing with energy. He skips over to the cafe half an hour early because he has been waiting for this day the entire week. Hoseok is the first to arrive and they join Jungkook after ordering a coffee. Hoseok is dressed in a silk shirt with a deep v-neck that shows off their collarbones and they look just as excited to be here as Jungkook is.

Soojin arrives just a few minutes after they agreed to meet. She joins them with an iced coffee in her hand. She has black overalls on and there are chains and patches sewn into it. She looks very punk rock. She says her piercings have healed well.

Soojin has barely had time to sit down before Yoonji and Namjoo arrive together and join them. Yoonji has once again done their makeup and while Yoonji has dark smokey eyes with long sharp eyeliner, Namjoo has a more subtle eyeshadow and no eyeliner. They wear matching wine red lipstick.

They have almost finished their coffees when Jimin and Taehyung arrive in a rush.

“Hi,” Jimin says with a grin. They are wearing a beautiful white dress with ruffles and it’s paired with their five inch platform heels. Jungkook has no clue how they stay up in them. They look gorgeous with their make-up done and big cross earrings dangling on their ears.

“Only half an hour late,” Namjoo points out, “impressive.”

Taehyung slumps down on the chair. He's wearing a coat over his shoulders like a cape and a checkered button-up tucked into stylish slacks. “Do we have time for coffees? Or do we go?”

Once again, Jungkook feels severely underdressed in his band tee but he hopes today will give him some options. At least he knows he will be in good company that will guide him in the right direction.

“I want to go already,” Jimin says and leans onto the back of Taehyung's chair. “I heard Jungkook got into make-up.”

“Takeaway?” Soojin compromises. “If we get the make-up first, you'll have time to drink your tea.”

“Okay,” Taehyung says. He hops back up and heads for the register.

The rest of the group finish their coffees and get up to wait for Taehyung outside the shop. Once he emerges from the shop with a takeaway cup in his hand, they go to a make-up store.

Jungkook enters the shop and the shelves are full of different packages, tubes and bottles. He would never know where to even start but Jimin takes his hand and pulls him further into the shop.

“What products do you need?” Jimin asks.

“Uh, I don't know. Yoonji talked about eyeshadow?” Jungkook says.

“He doesn't have any so just something to get him started,” Yoonji supplies.

“Eyeshadow and foundation then?” Jimin asks.

Yoonji and Jimin talk about different products and Jungkook loses track of what they are talking about. There are words he doesn't even know thrown around.

“What did you think about the cream I used for your foundation last week?” Yoonji asks.

“The product that went all over my face?” Jungkook makes sure. Yoonji nods. “I thought it was okay?” He feels so unsure about everything.

“Would you like a heavier coverage? Like what is on my face.” Yoonji says.

“Um,” Jungkook hums, “I don't know.”

“I'm not wearing any foundation right now,” Jimin says. “You don't have to put anything on your face if you don't want to and you have pretty good skin.”

Jungkook compares Yoonji's and Jimin's looks. He adores Yoonji's skilled look but when he imagines it on him, it feels too much. “I think what we used back then was good or nothing.”

“So a BB cream then. You do want a concealer though. It's magic,” Jimin says and leads Jungkook in between the shelves.

Jimin and Yoonji spend five minutes arguing over which shade is closer to Jungkook's skin until they agree on the darker tone. The same thing happens over concealers as they apply different testers on Jungkook's wrist.

“Eyeshadow time?” Jimin says bashfully as Jungkook takes the concealer from them. Jimin argued well for the tone.

Jimin and Yoonji bombard him with questions about colors while they move on to the next aisle. Jimin looks like a kid in a candy store as they look through the options.

“Jimin? Have you tried this brand?” Yoonji asks and points at a palette.

Jimin goes over to take a look. “I have. It's not very pigmented and I feel like it's mostly filler.”

“Shame. These colors would have been perfect,” Yoonji says.

Jungkook takes a look at the palette. It has a combination of bright reds and cool purples and it’s exactly what Jungkook answered to their questions. Jungkook follows as Jimin and Yoonji present him with different options and in the end they find two palettes each with four colors, some with shimmer.

Luckily finding a lash curler and mascara is easy because apparently both of them swear by the same waterproof vegan cruelty free mascara. Jungkook loses them again as they talk.

They go to the register and as Jungkook sees the total, he gulps. He expected to spend a lot of money but he didn't realize just how expensive the products are. He gets fifty percent off on one product as he joins the membership program. The cashier is nice and they suggest Jungkook buys the most expensive product first so he gets it cheaper and then buys the rest of the products. The entire time his cheeks are aflame and he feels like he is doing something wrong even though he wants this. He can't even start to imagine what the cashier must think of him and this takes way too long.

Jungkook sighs when it is over. As they reconvene with the rest of the group, there is a distinctive smell of perfume and cologne hanging around them.

“Did you crash the scent shelf?” Jimin asks and scrunches their nose.

“We got tired of waiting outside and we tried them on,” Taehyung says. “You took a long time.”

“We wiped them off too!” Namjoo says.

Yoonji joins them after paying for what she bought. “What is that smell?”

“Too much time unsupervised in a make-up store,” Hoseok says.

“What did you two do then?” Jimin asks.

“Hoseok helped me find a new eyeliner,” Soojin says.

They start on their way to their next destination and Yoonji stays behind to talk to Jungkook. “Here,” she says and opens her palm to show a blush. “As a gift for starting your make-up adventure.”

Jungkook hesitates to take it. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Yoonji says.

Jungkook takes the small container and looks at it. It has a pretty design and the color looks soft. “Thank you.”

Yoonji gives him a pretty smile. It's warm and genuine and Jungkook understands why Namjoo fell for her.

Their next stop is a thrift store where racks overflow with clothes. The group scatters into the store as they browse the clothes. Jungkook walks around but he doesn't know where to even start.

“Jin!” Namjoo calls out from one side of the store.

Soojin goes over to her and Jungkook watches as Namjoo presents a jacket for her. It's cropped with a red plaid pattern. Soojin tries it on.

“It looks good on you,” Namjoo compliments.

It does. The jacket makes her shoulders look sharp and pronounced and the crop highlights her long legs.

“It’s really cheap,” Soojin says as she takes it off and looks at the tag. She twists and turns it around, inspecting every seam. “It’s in good condition too.”

“What do you think of patterns?” Hoseok asks right next to Jungkook.

Jungkook jumps a little, startled for being caught staring, not expecting Hoseok to be right there. “It depends.”

“Come look,” Hoseok guides Jungkook to a rack with a bunch of patterned clothes.

They dig through the rack and Jungkook points out the patterns he likes but none of the clothes are in his size. Hoseok finds a lace shirt in between the shirts.

“Oh this is cute,” Hoseok says as he pulls out the hanger.

“It is. You should try it on.” Jungkook says.

Hoseok drags Jungkook to the fitting rooms and Jungkook follows happily. He draws the curtain on the cubicle and Jungkook waits.

“I have it on,” Hoseok says and peeks his head through the split in the curtains while holding them closed. He looks around before he lets them fall open.

The black lace shirt is very revealing but it's elegant with its patterns. Two white scars on Hoseok's chest draw Jungkook's attention. There is a waiver in Hoseok's smile as Jungkook looks up.

“It looks good on you,” Jungkook says with a warm smile.

“It does,” Hoseok says and spins around. “It's a little loose on my chest but I don't think it’s noticeable. And I'd wear it with another top.”

“You should get it if it’s not in a bad condition.”

“I'll check it,” Hoseok says and disappears behind the curtains.

Jungkook waits as Hoseok changes. There is a pause before he hears Hoseok talk again.

“Jungkook?” Hoseok says with a foreign uncertainty in his voice.

“Yeah?”

“Don't say anything to anyone outside the group,” Hoseok says. It’s set up as an order but it comes out as a plea.

“I promise I won't,” Jungkook says honestly and gently. He would never betray his trust like that. Hoseok must have gone through enough pain already, surgery included. “Hobi?”

“Yeah?”

“You're really awesome.”

There is a moment of silence then Hoseok pops through the curtains with his usual bright attitude. He leans into Jungkook's side as he drags Jungkook with him back to the store and to the register. The others are gathered at the entrance, waiting.

Hoseok makes his purchase and they move onto the next store. It's another thrift store and this time Hoseok finds Jungkook a striped long sleeve.

“It’s all about layering and accessories,” Hoseok tells him. “Pair it with your band tees and put on some jewelry.”

Jungkook buys the shirt. The rest of the group finds nothing in the shop and all the shirts they suggest Jungkook to try don't feel worth tying on. They go back out to the street.

“I'm hungry,” Jimin complains.

“Same,” Soojin agrees.

“Should we go to a restaurant? It’s not rush hour yet so we could get a table without a reservation,” Namjoo suggests.

Jungkook's stomach drops at the mention of a restaurant. He dreads the thought of talking to a waiter and it already makes his breath a little more shallow.

“That sounds great!” Taehyung says. “What do we want to eat?”

“I'm fine with anything,” Yoonji says.

“I don't want to go to a restaurant,” Jungkook mumbles quietly. His shoulders are hunched and he stares at his feet.

“Yeah?” Hoseok says to Jungkook and places a comforting hand on his shoulder. “We don't have to if you don't want to.”

“I don't–” Jungkook starts and sighs. “Whatever.”

“What about fast food? Would that be better?” Hoseok suggests.

Jungkook just nods.

“Hey,” Hoseok gets the attention of the group, “What if we got fast food? It will be easier and cheaper.”

There are nods and sounds of agreement and soon they are discussing which place to go to. Jungkook feels grateful for Hoseok.

Soon after they are happily eating and talking at a fast food joint. They have pushed two tables together so that they can all sit together and share milkshakes with each other. It's fun and anxiety free and Jungkook is happy with the greasy food when it's shared with his friends. He can't quite believe he can call all of these people his friends but he has been accepted into the friend group like he belongs there.

When the girls and Jimin go to the toilet together to fix their makeup, Jungkook looks after them longingly. They don't take too long and soon they are on their way to another store.

Jungkook finds himself some accessories with the help of Taehyung and Soojin. After walking through the third men's section with Hoseok and not finding anything, he resigns from trying to find clothes for himself and starts following Yoonji and Namjoo in the women's section.

“You would look cute in that dress,” Namjoo says and points at a mannequin.

Yoonji takes a look at it and moves along. “It's too long. I'd have to cut the skirt.”

It is a really beautiful dress. It's black with a bow at the waist and the tiered skirt widens until it reaches the mannequin's ankles. Jungkook wanders closer to the rack with the dresses and brushes his fingers over the fabric before pulling one dress forward so he can see it better.

“You would look good in it too,” Namjoo's voice comes from his side.

He takes his hands off the dress like it burned him. “I wasn't…” Jungkook starts defensively, voice breathy with anxiety. He wasn't what? Imagining what the dress would look like on him? How would it feel to brush his hands down the skirt? He doesn't want to lie to Namjoo. “Do you think so?” he asks timidly.

“Yeah,” Namjoo says genuinely.

“Namjoo, Jungkook,” Yoonji calls out from a few aisles ahead and Jungkook startles again. “Me and Jimin are going to head out to sit down. Our feet hurt.”

Jungkook can hear the pout in Yoonji’s voice. It makes him smile but he feels bad for both of them hurting.

“Yeah, go ahead. We'll check out the rest of the store!” Namjoo yells back. After Jimin and Yoonji have left, Namjoo turns back to Jungkook. “Do you want to try it on?”

Jungkook only nods. Namjoo helps him find the right size and takes him to the fitting rooms. Jungkook closes the door behind him and finally, he can breathe a little easier and take a look at the dress. He runs his hand along the long ribbon coming from the bow. It looks like something unattainable, something Jungkook isn't allowed to want.

He pushes those thoughts aside and takes off his clothes. He pauses as he tries to figure out how to get into the dress, finds a zipper and opens it. He pulls the dress on over his head and tries to swim out of the fabric until he finds the holes for his arms. He manages to get the dress on and smooths down the skirt but then he struggles to close the zipper.

“Did you get it on?” Namjoo's gentle voice comes from the other side of the door.

“Yeah but I can't get the zipper,” Jungkook says as he finally finds the end of it and tries to pull.

“Can I come in to help?” Namjoo asks.

Jungkook glances at the door. “Yes, please.”

Namjoo cracks the door open barely enough to squeeze through it before she closes it again. The cubicle is just large enough to fit them both but there isn't much room to move.

“Turn around,” Namjoo requests with a hushed voice.

Jungkook does so and Namjoo zips up the back of the dress. Now that the dress is finally on, he looks at himself in the mirror. The dress has wide shoulder straps and they make a square neckline. It's a little ill fitted around his chest but the bow around his waist fits just right and the skirt flows down to his ankles. He brushes his hands down the skirt just the way he imagined.

“What do you think?” Namjoo asks.

“It’s beautiful,” Jungkook says. It makes him feel elegant.

“It suits you,” Namjoo says as she looks at him through the mirror. “You look beautiful.”

Jungkook feels warmth at the compliment. A shy smile forms on his lips and he scratches at his ear. “Thank you.”

He loves the dress but– “I can't wear this anywhere,” Jungkook says as a heavy blanket of melancholy covers happiness.

“You could wear it when it's just us. The rest of them won't judge you,” Namjoo says.

He likes the thought. He imagines himself, Yoonji and Jimin in pretty dresses sitting together at a gathering. “I'd like that.”

“If you don't want to buy it, I can do it for you and you can pay me back. Or you could pretend you're buying it for me. Then there won't be the hassle of having to pay me,” Namjoo suggests.

Jungkook hadn't even thought that far. Going to the cashier with the dress feels like something illegal. “You would do that for me?”

“Yeah,” Namjoo assures. “You can pretend to be the best boyfriend in the world who buys his girlfriend the pretty dress she wants. We'll be like undercover agents.”

The idea of them being agents sounds so silly it makes him forget his nervousness. He realizes that must have been her goal in the first place. Then he blushes as he thinks about Namjoo referring to him as her boyfriend. “We'll be agents,” Jungkook says and matches the smile on her lips. Namjoo presses a quick kiss on his cheek that feels blazing hot.

“Let me open the zipper for you,” Namjoo says. She opens the dress before slipping out of the dressing room just like she came in and waits for Jungkook to get changed. “Give me the dress.”

Jungkook lets Namjoo take the dress and she takes Jungkook’s hand in hers. They walk over to the register and the entire way Jungkook feels like somebody is going to call them out or tell him he can’t buy the dress. Namjoo places the dress on the register enthusiastically as Jungkook takes out his wallet.

As the cashier packs the dress into a bag and holds it out, Namjoo takes it before taking Jungkook's hand again. “Thank you,” Namjoo says and kisses his cheek again.

Jungkook is sure that even his ears are as red as tomatoes. Namjoo keeps holding his hand all the way out of the store before she lets go and hands the bag to him.

“Jin, Hobi and Tae sent a message saying they found a claw machine. Do you want to come prevent them from wasting all their money?”

Jungkook would love to see his friends yell at a claw machine but he's also excited about his dress. “I want to show what I bought to Yoonji and Jimin.”

“They hadn't sent anything when I last checked at the fitting rooms. Tell them to come over when you find them.” Namjoo says.

They separate ways and Jungkook starts wandering the hallways to find a place where the two might be resting their feet. It isn't until Jungkook wanders down a secluded hallway where he finds a bench with two decorative bushes on each side of it and two familiar figures sitting on it.

As he gets closer though, he sees that Jimin's hand holds onto Yoonji's waist while they are leaning over her. Yoonji's hand is wrapped around Jimin's neck pulling them closer. While Jungkook's brain doesn't want to believe what he is seeing, there is no doubt what they are doing.

Jungkook turns on his heels and hurries out. Everything was going so perfectly and now conflicting emotions cause a storm inside of him. He is sad for Taehyung and Namjoo while he is disappointed in his friends who seemed so perfect, kind and caring. Jungkook sits down and pulls out his phone. He opens his texts with Jimin.

Jungkook:

im sorry i didnt mean to see you and yoonji

but i came looking for you and saw you kissing

i wont tell tae but i think you should

but if you wont i cant keep it a secret

its not fair to him

sorry

Jungkook bombards Jimin with messages as emotions wallow inside him. What if he doesn't tell Taehyung and he messes up his relationship with him? But he doesn't want to meddle in their relationship. Nevermind that telling him would be messing up his relationship with Jimin.

Jimin:

where are you?

Jungkook:

sitting at the fountain

Jimin:

stay there

It takes no time for Jimin to come striding towards him, the skirt of their dress fluttering. They take a seat next to him as Jungkook looks back at them with sorrowful eyes.

“So, you saw us,” Jimin starts carefully. Jungkook nods. “And now you think we are cheating on Tae and Joo?”

Jungkook nods again. How can Jimin wear such a gentle smile when they were just caught?

“You don't have to worry,” Jimin says gently and places a careful hand on Jungkook's knee. “They both know about me and Yoonji. Do you know what polyamory means?”

“I've heard of it,” Jungkook says. Gears start turning in his head.

“Our relationship is like that. Me and Tae are soulmates and I really love him but I love the others too,” Jimin explains. They smile. “If you told Tae what you saw, he would probably say something like ‘I kiss Yoonji too’.”

Jungkook nods. He is baffled by the revelation but it makes sense. He has witnessed how loving they all are. It feels silly how he put everything on their good friendship.

“Say something?” Jimin says but their voice is uncertain and the smile they wear doesn't quite reach their eyes.

“Well, uh, I'm happy for you?” Jungkook says with a rising intonation. He really doesn't know what he is supposed to say but he is relieved that they weren't cheating after all.

“You really manage to make it sound genuine,” Jimin grimaces.

“No, I really am happy for you,” Jungkook rushes to say. “I am just a little surprised. That's all.”

“I'm sorry we didn’t tell you earlier. It could have avoided this,” Jimin says. “But I hope you understand why we didn’t. A lot of people don't approve of our relationship and that can be dangerous.”

“I get it. I'm sorry that you couldn't tell me when you were ready and it had to happen this way. And I'm really sorry for jumping into conclusions,” Jungkook says. “I don't think there is anything wrong with your relationship. It's beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Jimin says and the air around them feels much lighter.

“Can I ask something?” Jungkook says.

“Ask me,” Jimin says.

“Are the six of you all in a relationship? Or is it just you, Tae, Yoonji and Namjoo?” Jungkook asks.

“It’s a little bit more complicated than that,” Jimin says. “We are all in a relationship but not all of us are in the same kinds of relationships. I know that doesn't make any sense but there isn't a better way to put it without going on at length about it.”

“Okay,” Jungkook says. It’s confusing but Jungkook is sure it will become clearer with time.

“Basically most of us have at least fooled around with everyone,” Jimin laughs, then smiles fondly. “We're just a big lesbian polycule.”

“But,” Jungkook starts but he doesn't even know what he wants to ask.

Jimin pats his knee. “Don't think too much about it. It will only make it more confusing.”

There goes any last remnants of hope that any of them might like him back. “What about you then? You're nonbinary but you're a lesbian? And you're with Tae? If you don't mind me asking,” Jungkook says. He doesn't understand it when Jimin is together with Taehyung.

“Yes,” Jimin says. “These are just words that best describe me. Isn't that the point of language? To simplify something complex into something understandable.”

“I guess it is,” Jungkook replies with a shrug.

“I've always felt more comfortable in the lesbian community than the gay community. I've made some lifelong friends there. It's kind of the same for Tae. And we are both really into girls. Women are amazing, don't you think?”

“They are.” Jungkook nods. He has always loved them, even envied them. But even though he feels longing for women, he thinks some boys are cute too. “I don't know what I am.”

“You can be anything. Or nothing. Most of us don't like to label things too strictly,” Jimin says. There is a pause while Jungkook processes everything before Jimin asks, “Are we good here? I don’t want there to be any bad feelings between us.”

“We are good. Thank you for explaining things,” Jungkook says. “I hope you and Yoonji can forgive me.”

“It’s okay. You've just been brainwashed by cis-hetero normative society to think that all relationships are strictly monogamous,” Jimin says. “I'm happy to be your Morpheus and pull you out of the Matrix.”

Surprised at the comparison, Jungkook says, “I didn’t know you were into those kinds of movies.”

“Tae makes me watch all kinds of old movies. He really likes The Matrix,” Jimin replies. Suddenly Jimin pulls him into a hug. “I'm happy that we found you.”

Jimin's comment makes Jungkook feel choked up. He can never put it into words how grateful he is for Jimin, for all six of them. He hugs Jimin tightly.

“Let's go find the others,” Jimin says when they pull back, holding their hands on Jungkook's shoulders.

When they get to the claw machines, Jungkook can practically feel the tension. Everyone is quiet and wearing worried expressions. Nobody is joking around like they usually do.

“It’s all good,” Jimin says when they get within earshot. “Crisis averted.”

Everyone visibly relaxes at that. Tense shoulders slump and avoidant gazes find them.

“I'm sorry for making a scene,” Jungkook says when they reach the group. They all gather around him, hugging him and giving him pats.

“We were worried about you.”

“It’s okay.”

“We're sorry too.”

They all make Jungkook feel so loved even though he was prejudiced against them. “I love you guys,” Jungkook says. He really means it from the bottom of his heart.

“We love you too.”

“Love you.”

“You too.”

Jungkook feels like crying. He presses his palms against his burning eyes and his throat feels constricted. The much needed tears don't come.

“Look! We got the octopus plushie!” Taehyung shoves it into Jungkook's hands enthusiastically.

Jungkook takes a look at it and laughs a choked laugh. It's adorable with its short tentacles and the cute stylized wink embroidered on the face. “Did you name it yet?”

“Sushi,” Soojin says.

“No, you did not!” Jungkook exclaims. He hands the plushie back over to Taehyung. He's happy about the distraction.

“We wanted to get it a friend but Namjoo told us to save our money,” Hoseok pouts.

“One adoption is enough for today,” Namjoo says.

They are back to their usual selves. Jungkook is relieved. They decide to call it a day and go home and after a bunch of hugs Jungkook starts the walk to the dorms. He wanted to unbox the things he bought but he knows he will be crashing face first into his bed as soon as he gets home.

***

Just as Jungkook predicted, he was exhausted to the bone. He didn't even get to unpack his bags before he crashed. The day drained all of his energy but he had fun and he fell asleep happy. He thought about the kiss Namjoon left on his cheek as he curled up in his bed. Not the performative one at the register but the one she did when nobody was watching.

Jungkook touches his cheek at the memory. It feels sweet and bitter all the same. He unpacks his bags and washes his new clothes. He hangs his new dress to dry, excited to wear it soon. After dealing with his laundry, he makes himself a cup of tea and curls up under a blanket. He feels like he's hungover with how tired he feels. Being around people in town drained him of energy and all the revelations and new things have been a lot to process.

He picks up one of Yoonji's books and continues reading. This book is one of the modern gothics and what Yoonji described as ‘a little bit explicit’ turned out to be very spicy. He feels like he has to hide from the world to read it but the comfort of his bed is enough to shield him.

At night, he arranges all of his new make-up and tools on his table. He has no clue how to use them but he plans to meet with Jimin and Yoonji so that they can show him how. He also agrees to meet Taehyung over the weekend and with a tutoring session with Namjoo, his schedule has never been this full. He loves it. Usually, he would be too anxious and it would drain him of his energy but because it's them, he's happy.

As he goes to sleep, he feels so cold he has to throw on an extra blanket to stay warm. He hopes he isn't getting sick so he doesn't have to cancel all his plans.

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